Holding on and Letting Go
by TheWriter67
Summary: Episode tag: 2x13 My take on what happened. Tom and Rachel deserve so much happiness!


Everything about her body language screamed 'make a move'. When she handed him the envelope he really thought it would happen. He thought they'd finally kiss and resolve everything between them, but no he had been a coward and let her go. Tom watched as she walked down the hall with his final words 'find me'. He meant it too. He wanted to see her again, and maybe then he could fix things. When she finally turned around the corner, Tom let himself into his room. He set the envelope down and took a seat on his bed. What was he going to do? She was leaving in the morning, and he had no idea when he would see her next. Tom sighed and ran a hand over his hair. He couldn't deny his feelings anymore. He had to go find Rachel now and make sure that she knew he loved her because he did. Tom fell in love with the stubborn doctor, and there was no escaping it. He stood up and stripped off his uniform jacket and walked back over to the door. Just as his hand touched the knob, a gunshot rang out. It was too close and he knew his crew were still partying. It had to be her. Tom raced out of his room and sprinted all the way down to her room. Pain erupted from his wound, but he paid it no mind. The pain he felt now would be nothing compared to how it would feel if he lost her. Just as he rounded the corner to her room, he saw her crumpled form on the ground. He fell to his knees beside her and quickly stripped off his shirt leaving him in just an undershirt. He pressed the shirt against the bleeding wound.

"Rachel! Dammit open your eyes!" Tom yelled in panic. He needed to know she would live. "Rachel!" She finally opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Cap..." She furrowed her brow in pain. "Tom..."

"Shh...you're going to be fine. You hear me Rachel? Don't you dare die on me now!" Tom found her room key and unlocked her door before carefully picking her up and carrying her into her room. He placed her on the bed and kissed her forehead. "Please stay awake Rachel. I can't lose you..."

"Get...Rios." Rachel quietly said. She couldn't bare the heartbroken look on Tom's face. He really thought she was going to die. Just how badly hurt was she? "I'll be here Tom." She managed to give him a small smile.

"I'll be back in a moment Rach. Please..." He squeezed her hand before running out of the room towards the partying crew. Mike saw him first. Tom must have been a sight to see what with blood covering the front of his shirt and a panicked look on his face. Mike hushed the room and soon he had everyone's attention. "Dr. Scott's been shot. Rios and Green to her room right now! Tex, Burke, and Mike make sure nobody gets in or out of the building. Wolfe and Miller escort the President to his room right now. I want everyone else in their rooms until further notice. Go!" Tom shouted his orders loud and clear and his crew scrambled to action. He rushed off back to Rachel's room quickly. Rios and Danny beat him there and Danny was standing guard.

"I won't let anyone in or out without your permission sir."

"Thank you Green." Tom walked in and saw Rios looking Rachel over.

"Doc?"

"I need to get her to the sick bay and she needs a blood transfusion. She's lost too much." Rios said as he removed Tom's shirt to look at the wound once more.

"Where's the bullet?" He feared the worst. "How bad is it?" Rios was silent for a moment.

"The bullet went right through her. I'm guessing the shooter got pretty close to her. As for how bad? I won't know until I get her on the table."

"Sir?" Danny poked his head into the room.

"Yes?"

"The XO called for the Sea-hawk. We need to get to the roof because it'll be here in less than a minute now."

"Thank you Lieutenant." Tom walked back over to Rachel and picked her up. "I've got you Rachel. Just hang in there." He turned towards the door quickly. "Let's go." Danny led them down the corridors until they reached the door to the roof. "Green?"

"Yes Sir?"

"Keep everyone here safe." Tom ordered as he walked through the door. Danny nodded and walked with Tom towards the helicopter.

"She'll pull through sir. I've never met anyone tougher than her." Danny helped Tom up into the helicopter before saluting and walking away. Tom cradled Rachel close to his chest. He sure hoped Danny was right. It felt like an eternity riding to the Nathan James. Rachel was getting paler by the minute and Tom couldn't do anything to help her.

"Rach? If you can hear me, please fight. Danny is right. You're the toughest woman I've ever met, and I know you can pull through if you just fight. I still have to tell you how I feel Rach. This can't be our goodbye." Tom closed his eyes to keep his tears from falling. The wound couldn't be too bad right?

"Captain? We've reached the ship." Tom opened his eyes and saw three members of the crew standing by a stretcher. Tom placed Rachel down onto it and watched as she was led away from him. He'd just get in the way if he followed them. He had no idea what to do now. All he could do was wait. Tom knew he had to do something, so he contacted Mike. He told him to bring his and Rachel's things back to the ship. He found out that the shooter had escaped the building before the lock down. Tom walked to his cabin and looked at himself in the mirror. Blood soaked his shirt and smudged his face. A shower was in order before visiting the sick bay. Tom turned the water on and let the hot water stream down his face and over his body cleansing him of the blood. He closed his eyes and thought of Rachel. Ever since she came into his life, chaos found them. He'd lost so much all for her mission that soon turned into their mission. He'd yelled at her countless times and hurt her with his words. She never showed it, but he could tell. He thought of when they really became a team. She let him drop her work overboard, and into the ocean. She found the ability to trust his every word, and he found it easy to trust hers. They were great together, until the Ramseys showed up. They fought again and stopped talking, yet she was always putting her trust in him even if he could not do the same. Rachel Scott was an interesting woman, and Tom would never be the same without her. If she really did pull through, he'd show her how much he really loved her.

… **...**

When Tom exited his bathroom, he found his and Rachel's things on his bed. He found the envelope she had given to him. He sat on his bed and opened it. There were a few pages in it, but the one he pulled out was a letter from Rachel. He set the rest down and read it.

 _Tom,_

 _I just found out that the President wants me to continue my work elsewhere, and that means I have to leave you. He's included me in his pardon and that means no more guards. Bet you're loving that. Anyways, I'm not sure if I will get to see you before I leave in the morning, so I just wanted to make sure I write what I would want to say to you. This is my goodbye to you Captain Chandler. I fought hard to get on your ship, and I'm really glad they picked you. I think I needed someone that's just as stubborn as I am. It helped push me along whenever I thought I couldn't find the cure. You were always there when I thought about giving up. When I left my home, I knew that I would not be going back because there would be nothing left. I didn't even have the time to grab things. All I could get was a few outfits and a picture of my parents. That's it. When I boarded your ship, I had just lost everything that meant anything to me. Quincy was the only one still with me. Dr. Hunter was still there, but we could only talk about the red flu. At least Quincy still talked to me, but then I lost him too and I had no one. It's never easy, trying to save the world. You somehow always end up alone. You're probably wondering why I'm telling you all of this. Well, I wanted you to know that you saved me Tom. When I thought I had lost everything, you were there and I knew I was not alone. You became my friend and then you became something more and I have no idea what to call us. I do hope that someday we find out what it is that we shared. Our bond was tested so many times, but we always pulled through together...until we couldn't. I know what I did was wrong, but the only thing I regret about my decision is losing you. You made sure that I could not go around your crew, but that was nothing compared to the pain I felt knowing that I had ruined our bond. I'm so sorry for that Tom. You really deserve better. Maybe me leaving is a good idea. You could move on and be happy with your family and I can go and do my own thing. Whatever may come of this world, I just hope that you can find happiness Tom. No matter what happened between us, I'm glad it happened because it built something between us and I wouldn't change a thing. I guess I should wrap this up now. I really must be getting ready to leave. Thank you again for all you have done Thomas Chandler._

 _With love,_

 _Rachel Scott_

Tom fought back the tears. He might not have seen her tonight. Hell he might have never seen her again. Tom threw the letter on his bed and marched out of his room and towards the sick bay. He looked in the room to see Rios stitching Rachel up. He walked in.

"How is she?"

"Looks like she'll pull through sir." Rios smiled at Tom. "Bullet went through some muscle, but there shouldn't be any permanent damage. I have a blood transfusion going, so her color will start to come back soon." Tom felt the weight lift from his shoulders and he let out a breath he had been holding.

"Thank you..."

"No need to thank me sir. She's saved our lives so many times. It's about time I got to repay her." Rios started cleaning things up and Tom sat down beside Rachel and grabbed her hand while being mindful of the IV.

"When will she wake up?"

"I don't know sir. That's up to her." Rios handed a clean blanket to Tom. "Don't want her getting cold." With those words Tom finally took notice of Rachel's state of undress. The dress was no longer on her and her bra had been bloodied.

"I'll go get her something to wear."

"It might be easier to find something that buttons up sir. Easier to take care of her injury." Tom nodded as he took in Rios' advice. He came back with one of his shirts and a pair of shorts. They wouldn't fit her very well, but at least they wouldn't be uncomfortable. Tom and Rios carefully dressed Rachel. "Sir I can watch her tonight. Why don't you get some sleep?" Rios asked.

"I'm not leaving her side." Tom said. "Go ahead and get some sleep. I'll take care of her."

"Aye sir...just let me show you how to change the IV. She'll need a couple." Rios went through the process with Tom a couple times until he was sure the man could do it. Finally being alone for the night, Tom got comfortable in the chair beside the bed and watched over Rachel. The color was indeed returning to her face. He smiled and brushed some hair out of her face.

"I'm never going to let you go." Tom spoke into the silence. "I read your letter by the way. I think I understand you a little better now, and I'm sorry that you felt so alone. I didn't really make it easy to approach me. Hell I don't even know if you can hear me Rachel, but I need to get this off my chest. I love you. Have for awhile now, but I couldn't just act on my feelings. I'm sure you understand that right? I lost my wife and I couldn't move on without grieving...also...I was scared. Still am. I lost Darien and I don't think I could survive losing you too. You don't know how scared I was of losing you tonight Rachel. I still am though. You're going to leave me and I may never see you again." Tom brushed some tears away that had escaped. "I forgive you...can you ever forgive me?"

"Already have..."

"Rachel!" Tom shouted as he looked back down at Rachel and saw her staring right back.

"Water?"

"Oh! Hang on." He jumped up and got her a glass of water. He held it to her lips while she drank.

"Thanks." She smiled softly.

"How much did you hear?"

"I came in around you being sorry I felt alone."

"So you heard?" Tom asked quietly. Rachel squeezed his hand.

"I love you too." A few tears escaped her and Tom wiped them away before bending down and placing a gentle kiss on her lips. He smiled when he felt her return it. Finally after everything they've been through, they were together.

"This does mean we're together right?" He panicked for a moment when she let out a small laugh.

"Yes I do believe so Captain."

"Thank god." Tom kissed her forehead. "You're not allowed to go anywhere. Presidents orders or not. You're mine."

"Well I'm sure you can figure something out seeing as you have time. I'm not exactly going anywhere."

"No you're not. I almost lost you tonight."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault Rachel. We'll find whoever did this."

"I know you will Tom." She held his hand tighter. "You always keep your word."

"Well since we are on the topic of the shooter, it's too dangerous to leave you alone."

"You're not putting more guards on me Tom."

"I am, but you might like this."

"I don't see how I could."

"Well I'm staying here in St. Louis and my kids and dad are being brought here. Apparently we have a house waiting for us, and you are going to be coming with me."

"So you're saying that I'm going to be living with you and your family while you're also my guard?"

"Yes, but I was hoping I could be more than just your guard and you could stay longer...maybe forever?"

"You're asking me to move in with you?"

"I am." Tom said with a smile. "I'm not asking for marriage so don't worry if you want out after all this is over I won't force you to do anything."

"I'd love to move in with you."

"Really?"

"Yes Tom. I did just tell you how I felt right? I don't think you're forcing me into it."

"God I love you." Tom bent down and kissed her again. Rachel smiled as he pulled away.

"And I love you."

"I'm going to make sure I tell you everyday. You deserve it."

"So my letter?"

"About that...here's my response. You're not alone anymore Rach, and if I have anything to say about it, you will never be alone again. I'm sorry you felt that you ruined things between us, but it was both of us not just one. I pushed you away so that I could go after the Ramseys and I shouldn't have. I forced you to work with Niels and look what happened. Things just kept going downward and I didn't know what to do. When we sunk the sub, you have no idea how much I wanted to drag you back onto the ship myself just so I could be with you. I wanted to fix things between us, and I just ran away as usual. Also when you say I deserve better? No I don't. We're both broken in our own ways, and I think that only we can help each other. Rachel I found my happiness with you."

"Tom..." Rachel cried and Tom leaned down to carefully hug her. He placed soft kisses on her face while she wept. She'd been through so much. It was time for her to find happiness.

"I hope that I can bring you the happiness you deserve."

"You already have." Rachel looked into Tom's eyes and smiled. "Just being with you makes me happy."

"I'm glad." He watched as she held back a yawn. "Time for you to get some sleep."

"You'll still be here?"

"Of course. I'm going to hold onto you for as long as I can." Tom kissed her once more on the lips before watching her drift off. "I love you Rachel." He watched over his angel all night and he hoped that they really could be happy as a family. This is what he wanted, and he would protect her at all costs.


End file.
